Mentee Tips | SBH Career Division

Mentee Welcome Packet

Dear Mentee,

We are pleased to tell you that you have been paired with a mentor who will be contacting you within the next two weeks. Please take a moment to review the details below that explain how the SBH Mentoring program works, as well as what you should expect from your mentor. Your mentor has received a similar packet that outlines what they should be expecting from you.

All of our mentors have been hand-selected. They are all very excited about volunteering in this program, and even more excited to meet you. Please remember that your mentor is here to offer you career-related advice and guidance whenever possible. You should treat this mentor/mentee relationship the same way you would treat one with a mentor in a school or professional work setting.

A few things to keep in mind:

The SBH Young Professionals Committee always has your best interest at heart, and is always here for you. If you feel that your mentor is not the right fit for you, please email us at SBHGEM@gmail.com. We would be happy to hear you out and adjust accordingly.
If you decide to change your focus after signing up and would like to change mentors, we would be happy to find you a mentor in the appropriate field.
It is your responsibility to keep this relationship strong. Our mentors have full time jobs, (some even have families), and aren’t expected to be keeping tabs on you. It is up to you to let your mentor know when you need to talk. We suggest sending over a quick email to keep them updated between your meetings/correspondence.
At the same time, you should not be contacting your mentor on a daily basis. We suggest setting the parameters of your relationship during your initial meeting. We have found that an email or phone call every 2-3 weeks is a great way to keep your mentor well-informed.
We have asked all our mentors to make time for at least one in-person meeting, and all have happily agreed. If conflicting schedules make this impossible, a phone call can suffice.
Please keep in mind that although mentors always try to evaluate your situation and give their unbiased opinion, it is not always so easy to do this. Do not make decisions based on one person’s advice. You should always get other opinions of people who may know things about you that your mentor may not know. It is always a good idea to consult others(i.e Parents, Rabbis,etc.) before making any final decision.
This is not a job placement program. The mentors have no obligation, nor are they advised, to help you find a job or recommend you to a potential employer. If your mentor does choose to do so, it is at their own discretion. If and when you find yourself in need of help on your job search, please contact SBH’s Career Services division. Their team of trained professionals is ready to work with you.
Make sure to show gratitude! All of our mentors are volunteering their time to help guide you. Never underestimate the impact of a simple thank you after a phone call or email correspondence.

If you have any questions, concerns, suggestions or just want to say hi, feel free to shoot us an email to SBHGEM@gmail.com.

The SBH Young Professionals Committee

Stay up-to-date! Add us on Facebook (Facebook.com/SBHGEM), follow us on Twitter @SBHGEM, and Instagram @SBH_GEM, and keep a look out for our e-mails.

Six Habits of Highly Effective Mentees

There’s no shortage of people hailing the benefits of mentors. There’s also ample advice on how to find mentors. Few talk about what todo once you’ve made contact with someone who wants to help you. You sit down to lunch with a potential mentor. What do you say?How do you act? How frequently do you follow up, especially if the person is busy and important?

I know many professionals who would like to be mentors but are not, mainly because once they start interacting with a potential menteethey find it’s not nearly as fulfilling as they imagined. I place the blame in many cases on the mentee and how s/he approaches thoseearly interactions. Smart mentees realize that successful mentoring relationships don’t necessarily happen automatically; rather, they’rethe result of genuine engagement and sustained effort.

Drawing upon my own experience and that of others, here are six habits of highly effective mentees.

1. It’s all about the questions you ask.

Here’s an example of a bad question: "What career should I go into?" Expect a worthless blue sky answer, or something that correspondsclosely to what he does.

Here’s a better question: “I’m deciding between these two jobs, which each offer these benefits and these drawbacks. What do you think?Which factors should I consider most highly – salary, geography, etc?”

In other words, present options and then get help on how to think about the options.

Here’s a common question mentees ask that I think is problematic: “What would you do if you were me / you were in my shoes?” This isambiguous. This either means, “What would you do in this situation?” which is asking what the mentor herself would do after consideringher own situation, which is not what you really want. Or, it means, “If you were me, you had all the same strengths, weaknesses,opportunities, and threats as me, what would you do?” It’s unlikely the mentor (or anyone) knows you well enough to have a 360 degreeperspective. So the question fails with either interpretation.

2. Have strong beliefs, weakly held.

This is maybe the hardest habit: How do you at once demonstrate greenness, a blank slate, and open-‐mindedness (ie, a genuineinterest in hearing an advisor’s ideas and potentially incorporating them into your own life) while also showing potential through yourexisting ideas and convictions? In other words, mentors want to mentor someone they can influence, but they only want to influencepeople they think can be successful, and people bound for success tend to have beliefs about the world. Asking a million questions butputting forth no ideas of your own, or simply nodding hungrily at anything and everything the mentor says, puts you too far in the"green" direction. By the same token, acting like you’ve figured out the world is just as much a turn-‐off -- who wants to help someonewho thinks he doesn’t need help?

So how do you walk the line between these two extremes? Try articulating your existing stance to your mentor in an expository fashion:here is what I feel, here is why, here is my level of certainty.

3. Have a long term perspective.

Mentoring relationships are like any friendship or romance -- it takes time. Lots of time. Years of time. If things are going well, don’t try tocover every topic on your mind in one meeting. Meander. Dive deep. Have a memorable conversation about just a couple things. Don’tbring a "pump-‐and-‐dump" attitude to the relationship.

4. Be open to topics not on your short-‐term agenda.

Say you’re trying to start a business and you meet with a start-‐up expert. You want to pick her brain about successful start-‐ups. Oneproblem: everyone wants to ask this gal about start-‐ups. She’s bored of doling out the same advice. So spend some time probing her onoff-‐the-‐beaten path topics. Religion? Politics? Wander on the path less trekked upon.

For example, if you’re young, everyone is going to want to give you advice about colleges and higher ed. Be open to hearing it.

In the long term, you’ll have plenty of time to cover the topic that made you interested in her in the first place.

5. Follow up by showing interest in them (at least four times a year).

To form a long term relationship you need to stay in touch. But what does "stay in touch mean"? A meeting a year? An email everymonth? Phone calls? It all depends on the situation.

Nothing beats an in-‐

person interaction. So aim for those, but it can be hard to see busy people. At the least, email him four times a year.

Remember, in your communications, show interest in his life, and he’ll reciprocate and show interest in your life. Send a relevant article, or comment on a move his company recently made. Set a Google News Alert on his name.

If the mentor reads blogs, maintaining a blog is one of the best ways to stay in touch. Because it is "opt-‐in"

-- people choose to readblogs

-- you can get away with more frequent communications. If you email someone, he feels an obligation to read and respond. If youwrite a blog post, you’ve created no such obligation, and he still will probably read it in his RSS reader.

Try to be creative in your communications both in format (try postcards!) and timing (never send an update during the holiday season).

6. Don’t make the mentor do the work.

It’s not up to the mentor to figure out how to mentor you. It’s up to you to figure out what you need help on.

7 Tips For Being A Good Mentee

Be ready to work at the relationship: Good relationships don’t just happen; they take work. This applies to relationships with family,friends, colleagues and your mentor. It takes time and effort to get to know each other and build trust. Establishing and maintaining trustis essential to a good mentoring relationship.

Be open-minded and willing to learn: No matter who your mentor is, s/he has experience and expertise to share with you. You andyour mentor may have a lot in common or very little. Regardless, if you remain open-‐minded and want to learn, you will learn andbecome a better professional as a result.

Be honest and real: Your mentor will be better able to help you if you are open and honest about who you are and what you wantprofessionally and personally from your life. Talk about your background, current status, hopes, fears, and goals for the future.

Be proactive and take initiative: Mentoring should be an active and engaging experience for both mentee and mentor. As a mentee,you should not rely on your mentor to do everything. Make sure that you are in frequent contact with your mentor and that you areinitiating most of that contact. Let your mentor know when you need help. Ask questions. Follow-‐through on items the two of youdiscuss. Demonstrate a good work ethic.

Be prepared for your meetings with your mentor: Think about the topics you would like to discuss with your mentor ahead of time,write them down and possibly even email them to your mentor in advance of your meeting. The more you prepare, the more you will getout of your meetings with your mentor.

Be a good listener: It is your mentor’s job to give you honest feedback and advice, some of which will be positive and some of which willbe constructive. Rather than ignoring your mentor’s criticism or constructive feedback, or letting it make you feel bad, listen to what yourmentor has to say and consider how you can use that information to improve yourself. Regardless of whether you choose to take yourmentor’s advice, listening to what your mentor has to share with you is important.

Be forward-thinking: Talk to your mentor about where you are presently but focus your energy on building for the future. Define yourgoals for the semester, year, graduation or early-‐career. In conversation with your mentor, determine the skills sets, knowledge, andabilities you need to acquire in order to achieve these goals.

10 Mentoring Tips for the Corporate Mentee

Being a mentoree (also known as "mentee") is a powerful opportunity to grow. Still, being a mentoree is a "job," just as it is for thementor. Regardless of what role you play in corporate mentoring, it's important for everyone-‐-‐mentor, mentoree, program manager-‐-‐to understand a mentoree's true role in the mentoring relationship.

Here are 10 key points that mentorees should keep in mind:

It's your job, not theirs. The focus of mentoring is on you, the mentoree. Therefore, don't expect your mentor to do all the work. His orher role is to facilitate your development, not do it for you. Take the initiative and follow-‐ up on agreed upon goals.

Think commitment, not lip service. Regular, ongoing contact is one of the most important building blocks for successful mentoring.Agree with your mentor to meet on a regular and ongoing basis and avoid canceling appointments.

Show up for the relationship. Be prepared before your meeting with anything agreed upon and with an issue to discuss that'simportant to you. There's always something to discuss since events have occurred between the current meeting and the last one. Theissue need not be monumental-‐-‐ sometimes simple things can lead to great discussions and insights.

Give back and get more. Mentors don't usually ask how the mentoree has benefitted from the relationship. Take the time to shareexamples and to say "thank you" on occasion, and you'll often find that the mentor will give more without your having to ask. Sharinghow a mentor has been helpful in the past gives the mentor guidance on how to be helpful in the future.

Keep expectations realistic. Unstated assumptions or expectations can easily derail a relationship. To avoid this, you and your mentorshould both discuss your expectations of each other and the relationship. For example, discuss how often you'll meet or what areas youwill work on. When there's a change in expectations, discuss this as well. Relationships grow and change and so do expectations, so thoseagreed upon early on may not be the same later. Have periodic conversations to discuss your mutual expectations.

It's risky, but it's healthy. A mentoring relationship is not meant to make you comfortable with where you are. It should challenge youboth professionally and personally. This can't happen unless you're willing to take risks. What kind of risks? Whatever makes sense, butthings like discussing your lack of confidence, challenging a mentor on an issue, trying something completely outside your comfort zoneare all examples. Taking risks is an integral part of growth and well-‐being. So by taking risks, you're actually getting healthier!

Be yourself; we already have everybody else. You needn't act exactly like your mentor. You are a unique person. Recognize youruniqueness and resist the temptation to clone your mentor. This is especially important when considering diversity initiatives. Forexample, it's been documented that when white males mentor non-‐whites, there's sometimes an inadvertent attempt to make thementoree "more white." Recognizing our differences allows us to remain who we are.

Don't be afraid of your mentor's silence. You're in a mentoring session and you seem to run out of things to say, and your mentor isn'thelping because all she or he is doing is keeping quiet. This is a good thing! Your mentor's silence is inviting you to probe more deeplyinto what is on your mind, and it's an opportunity to share more deeply in the relationship. In this situation, pause and look insideyourself to try and get at what is of immediate concern or on your mind and share that with your mentor. The possibilities of what mayhappen are endless.

The elephant will crush you. Don't sit with an issue that you should discuss with your mentor; otherwise, it will severely impact andcould derail your relationship. If something is not working in the relationship, chances are your mentor is feeling similarly, but neitherone of you is taking the responsibility to deal with it. Here's an example: the relationship is not going well and you or your partnerfrequently cancels appointments. Instead of discussing the issue, you both avoid it. Your relationship is doomed and probably will be awaste of time. Talking about the elephant in the room will remove the elephant and give you the opportunity to reframe your relationshipin a positive way.

Pass it along. Since you're enjoying the mentoring experience, give back by becoming a mentor to someone else. Whether it's a peer, asubordinate, a family member, share with others so that what your mentor has shared with you gets passed along through you.

A Light Hearted Look

At how To Not Be A Mentee

Bring to the first formal meeting a long shopping list of things you want the mentor to do for you
Expect the mentor to be available for you, whenever you want them (heroes never need sleep!)
Regard the mentor as your prime source of gossip to pass on
Expect the mentor always to have the answer - that's why they are more senior
Expect the mentor to decide when to meet and what to talk about
Boast about the relationship to your colleagues at every opportunity
Never challenge what the mentor says - s/he knows best
Blame the mentor whenever advice doesn't work out - s/he should have known better
Treat mentoring sessions as mobile - the easiest item in the diary to move at the last minute
Enjoy the opportunity to have a good moan or whine, whenever you meet - especially if no-one else will listen to you
Make it clear to the mentor that you want to be just like them - adopt their style of speaking, dress and posture
Never commit to doing anything as a result of the mentoring session. If, by accident, you do, simply forget to follow the commitment up. (Why spoil the fun of discussion with outcomes?)